i told u so...guts feelings u should never ignore.

Suddenly, my mind is open for a memory of a kid once i saw before..more importantly the parents of course are also in the picture..a story of unexpected consequence that haunts you again and again...and again!

suatu pagi post oncall..weekend somemore..kena la jalan laju2..sebab kepala dah tercari2 bantal..dari NICU terus ke PICU.jalan shortcut biasa yang xpernah busy adalah lorong belakang wad a.k.a tempat sidai kain..berlari2 saie sambil memerhatikan kompleks maternity yang masih dlm pembangunan (nothing so special about the complex except it blocks your vision for a breathtaking sun-rising view of Pantai Batu Buruk..)

u can no longer see the beach..but the tip of the Rhu trees perhaps  is good  enough..

Then suddenly a father who was drying some clothes there, stopped me.."ingat lagi x saya doktor? anak saya doktor..dia masuk lagi arini..tp lagi teruk doktor"..i tried my best to recall this politely soft spoken-nearly tearful -guy with a bad news for every single doctor to hear that kind of statement..then eventually i recognized him.."saya rasa saya ingat ..ada apa dengan anak encik"?..

"saya xboleh nak ceriter la doktor..sy dh puas menangis dah doktor, nak tengok dia pun saya xsanggup." he continued.

I decided to go to the ward and have a look what's so 'bad' about the child...i was both surprised and sad...my goodness, her left eye almost popped out..(never seen before for a less-experience health staff like me.it is just like in a book's of spot diagnosis photo..even more diagnostic looking : even worse).

in case u dont know how a proptosis looks like..

Zreeettt...i rolled and re-winded backward the films...The poor kid just was as active as usual when she presented to us..the only complaint was( a bit weird ..anyhow it's still a complaint)..c/o : mild bluish mark below the edge of the eye following fall from her bed..BUT what concerned the parents was the neighbor's child who had 100%ly same story line (who was admitted also last month) found to have a brain tumor after underwent CT (to cut it short)-kemungkinan besar ianya berbeza. 

Following that, an opinion(in fact twice) sought from the Eye's team which revealed normal result as we worried any trauma causing this lesion and it is so close to the eyes indeed.

Obviously, the parents tried to request a CT also for their child.i can read their mind..it is so simple 6th sense to gain...but clinically she showed NO abnormality except the worries of the parents...i understood that well enough, but deep down in my heart i can share the worries also.

It's my gut feeling of uneasiness is totally NOT an indication to request a CT to be carried out..i can see the  frustration of the parents.We explained to them the problems and our findings till that point of time..She was discharged with appointment but unfortunately they missed it.

The disease progressed at home after 3 weeks of discharge..till it came to the terminal part of the story...it was a mass pushing the eye and NO doubt now CT is highly indicated....sigh..shit.and to make it worse the mass was so malignant looking..she was sent to HUSM for further treatment.since then i did not follow her story up.

Sehinggalah satu petang Ramadhan..seseorang memberitahu yang adik ini telah kembali ke Rahmatullah dan diagnosisnya Eye Tumor..i knew this would happen. and again of course we could not help much.

intelligence of the unconscious..occasionally

Above all, this single story has been haunting me for so long(for a lesson to be learnt)..and im sure it will do so and so on...how the deeper worries of your gut feeling is, the more likely he/she will "crump"..there is such no term of "surest way".

"suatu yang biasa bagi kita, boleh jadi luar biasa buat org lain-shafie hashim"...

**semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat yg Esa...Amiiiin